Like Hollywood I love bad movie ideas. Below are a bunch I’ve come up with complete with movie poster mockup. If you’d like to buy any of them off me please contact my agents at UTA and manager at HERoES & VILLIANS.
BORED GAMES
Two check mates, a pawn with low self esteem (Pete Davidson) and an energetic checker (Kenan Thompson) team up to save their world after the Monopoly Man threatens to expand beyond his game and take over all of Boardgame Kingdom.
Meet Pawn # 8, Pate for short. He’s the lowliest of the chess pieces and always first to be sacrificed in a game. After staying back late to clean the board he witnesses a coalition of all the most powerful players in the tabletop world, the viscous chess Queen, the cocky Ace of Spades card, the King Checker (two regular checkers stacked on top of each other), linguistically gifted Scrabble bag, the know-it-all Trivial Pursuit deck and led, of course, by Mr. Monopoly, aka Milburn Pennybags. They’re discussing Pennybag’s new deal: to purchase all the other boards and charge the pieces rent to use them.
What Pennybags doesn’t tell them is he secretly plans to make all the other games bankrupt so that the only game left to play is Monopoly.
Pate is spotted eavesdropping on the secret plan and narrowly gets away. He must warn the rest of Boardgame Kingdom before it’s too late. Pate soon meets a jovial checker named Chubby who dreams of becoming a king. The pair make their way through the Kingdom, hotly pursued by the chess Queen. Along the way they meet a host of weirdos and rejects, including Joker, who loves to gamble; Q, a Scrabble letter that everyone hates; Typo, a trivial pursuit card with an offensive misspelling and Shoe, the piece from Monopoly that no-one wants.
Through the confidence Pate learns from these new friends he is able to reach the other side of the chess board and transform into a Queen before finally defeating Mr. Monopoly and saving the Boardgame Kingdom.
HATS
Heads up! Meet Billy (Paul Rudd). He’s a level headed baseball cap who’s brimming with enthusiasm. At the end of a ball game everyone celebrates by throwing their hats in the air and Billy becomes separated from his owner! With the help of a tough talking construction hat named Hank (Tom Hardy) and a street wise beanie named Touque (Azealia Banks) Billy finds his way to a fancy hat store named “Milly’s Milliner.” It’s discovered that Billy is a rare collectors hat who was once worn by baseball player Babe Ruth. Billy starts to get a big head, and distances himself from Hank and Touque—friends are a small price toupée for fame and glory! Once in the store he meets an array of colorful hats, including a pompous top hat named Rothschild (Peter Capaldi), a cunning fez named Otto (Gad Elmaleh), a boisterous cowboy hat named Chet (Chuck Norris), a sultry sunhat named Sunny (Kristen Wiig) and a sour old felt hat named Hettie (Kate Capshaw). Billy gels with all the hats except Hettie, who wants to put a cap on allowing non-formal hats into the store. She believes a milliners is no place for a common baseball cap and conspires to oust him. He ends up in the back alley where he meets a lively sombrero named Eduardo (Diego Luna) who works in the Mexican restaurant next door and is regularly bullied by a bunch of fedoras who never tip him. It’s there that Billy learns about classism and racism and how not all hats have an equal chance to get ahead in life. He questions all the racial stereotypes he’s met in his life and wonders why so many stories center around middle class, cis, white male characters who already have a head start. The film becomes a serious critique of modern animated features, racial stereotypes, inherent privilege and is full laughs that the whole family can enjoy!
TIME’S UP
DO be ALARMED because here’s a movie you’re gonna want to WATCH for HOURS! You might even go back for SECONDS.
Alan (Seth Rogen) is a wound up alarm clock who lives in a clock shop that’s days are numbered. He’s never had a big night, and never used the snooze button, because he always has to get up in the morning. So, on New Years Eve, Alan, at the insistence of a digital watch named Casi (Emma Stone), and Gramps, a reluctant Grandfather clock (Hugh Laurie) throw the biggest party of all TIME! Worried that the owners of the shop will get home to a messy house, Alan sets his alarm to 2am, knowing that it will leave him just enough time to clean up the mess before the owners get home.
But after an uninvited smart phone tries to wind him up, claiming that clocks are obsolete, Alan gets really ticked off and starts a fight, with ALARMING consequences. His cogs are damaged causing his alarm to fail, and wait a MINUTE! The owners timing couldn’t be worse and they get home to a trashed house. They have no other choice but to shut down the shop and file for bankruptcy, causing the clocks to get separated ruining EVERYBODY’S lives.
Alan, guilt stricken, decides that the only way to fix the problem is to go back in time and relive the fateful party. But he’s gonna need a BIG HAND from his friends. He tracks down the other clocks and convinces them to all set back their time in unison. It seemed like the perfect plan, but for one MINUTE detail, in setting back their clocks, they accidently create a rift in the time space continuum that threatens to destroy all of time and history as we know it!
Join Alan, Casi and Gramps as they’re sent hurtling back through time and space, desperate to set time right before they run out of time in this timeless classic from Time Warner Movies, get some rosemary and thyme you’ll have the time of your life, tie me kangaroo down, turn the times tables in the nick of time. TIME. IS. MONEY.
TOOLZ
Okay, here’s the drill! Hamish (Woody Harrelson) IS the sharpest tool in the shed and he’s sick of being shelved in favour of designers who don’t know their elbow from a set square. He pines for a more powertool position so that he can carve out a better future. With the structural support of his best friend, a wisecracking shovel named Dougie (David Spade), Hamish heads off to Nale University to study architecture. He’s given the cold chisel by the class favourites, Petey (Bill Hader), a protractor, Christopher (Jon Heder), a compass and Charlie (Zach Galifianakis), a calculator who try to SCREW him over, but he doesn’t let them break his spirit level, and goes back to the drawing board to clamp down, study hard, workshop new ideas and (touch wood) make them eat his sawdust at the big end of year design competition.
So join Hamish, Dougie and a host of total tools as they team up to build this heart wrenching new animated comedy straight from the top shelf, where the performances are anything but wooden, and you might just SHED a tear. Be there or be T-square! From the builders of Soap Opera and Out of the Kitchen.
OUT OF THE KITCHEN
It’s the roaring 50’s and the times…they are a changin’. Say hello to three stir crazy gals: a rolling pin named Penny (Jennifer Aniston), a fry pan named Fran (Beyoncė) and a fridge named Bridget (Melissa McCarthy). For these three homemakers the day-to-day routine just isn’t cutting the mustard. So they decide TO give up their day jobs and taste test new professions.
Penny starts rolling the beat with the NYPD, battering up bad guys and flattening out crime. Meanwhile, hot headed Fran heats things up down at the firestation with her flame resistant attitude. Finally, a chilled out Bridget proves she ain’t no ice queen by doing all the heavy lifting over at the construction site–whilst never losing her cool.
They’re so smitten with their brand new careers that they try to help find new jobs for all their old friends, even the kitchen sink! However, they soon discover that not ENOUGH cooks can spoil the broth, and find themselves out of the frying pan and into the fire- literally! So it’s time to cut the apron strings, give the domestic life the cold shoulder, say goodbye to your chores and get OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
Join Penny, Fran and Bridget in this kitsch-en classic from the creators of Monsters Vs Aliens and Soap Opera.
SOAP OPERA
Kevin (Michael Cera) dreams of being famous, but no one knows him from a bar of soap. His life is spiralling down the drain and he’s about to throw in the towel when one day, whilst singing in the shower, he meets a little SOAP-rano named Suds (Michael Bublé). Kevin mistakes Suds’ angelic voice for his own and sets out to make a splash in the world of opera. Will they clean up on their opening night or will it be shower curtains for Kevin and Suds?
So grab a towel, lather up, jump on your soapbox and join Suds and Kevin in a world awash with talking bathroom supplies for some squeaky clean fun in this unbelieva-bubble new musical comedy from the creators of Shark Tale and Bee Movie!